Reflection

I think that I’ve reached what I’m going to refer to as my “mid study-abroad crisis.” I’ve definitely settled into a sort of groove and routine here – classes are well underway, I tend to go shopping and do laundry on the same days every week, my cooking repertoire has basically leveled off at six or seven items, and Hebrew everywhere isn’t as exciting anymore. I’ve been to the doctor twice, am expected at weekly frisbee games, don’t mind running my mouth off at Israelis who give me attitude… I guess in short I’m trying to say that in terms of my daily and weekly activities, from the outside this is starting to look like real life. But, in the back of my mind, I can’t help thinking, every time I meet a new amazing person or consider buying something semi-permanent for the kitchen, “Who am I kidding, this isn’t my life, why invest in anything here?”

People come to study in Be’er Sheva so that they can get a better understanding of the real Israel. You don’t hear English here while you’re walking down the street – in fact, half the time you’ll hardly hear any Hebrew, between all of the Arabic, Russian, and Amharic floating around. At other study abroad programs in Israel, students often complain of the “little America bubble” in which foreign students find themselves; between living with Americans, studying with Americans, and running into Americans at all the local nightlife destinations, it hardly feels like they’re in Israel at all. A part of me (ok, granted, a pretty small part, but still…) is starting to think that’s not such a bad deal. Hardly any assimilation required, less conflict concerning the people you let into your life, no problems expressing yourself in your native tongue! It’s like summer camp! Everyone is there for the same amount of time, no looking back in another few months and wistfully realizing that the life you were part of for half a year is still there just… without you in it.

Oddly enough, becoming more and more attached to this mirage of reality has made me homesick. Maybe because I’ve held off from making my room feel completely homey and since, as I mentioned earlier, the kitchen is still lacking in dishes I’d use at home (today I bought a carrot grater!), and probably partially because I’m SO SICK of the pseudo-cooking I’ve been doing since I got here, and partly because as I realize that this place isn’t my reality and my life, I’m sad to be missing out on important events in the lives of my friends and family back home. I know I’m not the first person to leave home for six months and half way through, stop and wonder, “What on earth am I doing here??” I guess this is just part of the process. Knowing I’ll have to leave is simply another truth in my currently murky reality. In the meantime, I’ll try to keep things in perspective (unfortunately, this never has been my strong suit). My friends and I are having a Shabbat dinner tonight and I made the potatoes my mom makes every Friday, so our apartment here smells like home! Shabbat Shalom.